I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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