you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize