maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
