The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
