I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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