Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
