I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
