I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
