She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
