I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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