I'm really into asian looking animals
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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