Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
