if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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