There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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