I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
