i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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