I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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