Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
