Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
