I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
