He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
