i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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