The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
