Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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