my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
