Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
