You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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