You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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