actually, I'm a sock model
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
