I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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