Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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