Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
