Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
