Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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