Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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