Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
