u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
