ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
