he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
