I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
