If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
