Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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