Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
