Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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