Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
