I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
