I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
