Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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