I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
