Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
