Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
