i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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