apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
