Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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