Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
