i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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