Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
