U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
