my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
