I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
