I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
