her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
