I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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