i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
